James BodeThis is the third of a three-part series on College Planning. To read the first segment, click here. To read the second segment, click here.
The college planning and application process can feel like navigating a maze for both parents and students. As a financial planner and parent, guiding our son Luke through his journey to college was both an emotional and educational experience for Crista and me.
In this post, I’ll continue sharing our story, the challenges we faced, and the college financial planning lessons we learned as we prepared for decision day and the first day of college.
Choosing a Path: A Focused Approach or an Innovative College Decision Method
Some students take a focused approach to choosing a college. They carefully weigh academic and social fit, financial considerations, and the likelihood of acceptance, while others rely on less conventional factors like quirky campus traditions, or the school's “celebrity” factor.
Our son Luke made his intentions clear. He confidently decided to apply to a pretty competitive school as his “early decision” school. While many students cast a wide net by applying to 10 or more colleges, Luke only applied to four additional schools — all places he had visited and interviewed at.
His strategy was deliberate and focused. If he didn’t get into one of his chosen schools, he’d reevaluate. It was a little risky to choose a hard-to-get-in school as his first choice and then limit the number of backup schools. So, we took a deep breath and supported his game plan.
Thankfully, Luke was accepted into all the schools he applied to, a testament to his hard work and preparation. We also sought the help of a college admissions consultant, Eric, to refine essays and applications, which undoubtedly contributed to his success and helped calm his mother’s and my nerves.
Sticker Shock: College Financial Planning and Facing Realities
When the acceptance letter from Luke’s first-choice school arrived, it was a moment of celebration — but it came with a surprise: $0 in merit aid. Meanwhile, other schools offered substantial discounts, some as much as 50% off tuition.
As parents, this was a tough pill to swallow. We wanted Luke to attend the school he felt was the best fit, but we also had to weigh the financial impact.
Was his number one choice worth this significant amount of money more than the other options? It was a hard-hitting question and a test of balancing emotions with common sense.
Filing a Financial Aid Appeal: A Hidden Opportunity
This is where our college consultant introduced us to something I hadn’t even known was possible — filing an appeal for financial aid. He explained that since we wouldn’t qualify for financial aid in the conventional sense, we were essentially requesting money from the school’s endowment funds.
This is an avenue many parents aren’t aware of, and the process wasn’t straightforward.
The school required us to disclose which other colleges Luke had applied to and the merit scholarships they had offered. They wanted physical proof. We uploaded acceptance letters, provided proof of scholarships, and specified the amount we were requesting. Knowing that asking for too much would likely result in a rejection, we requested a very reasonable amount of aid.
Within 48 hours, our appeal was approved, and the college decision day problem was solved.
The approval didn’t just lessen the financial burden, it also gave us a sense of empowerment and control. It felt good to have asked for something — even something small — and succeeded.
Ask for What You Want
This experience reinforced an important life lesson. It never hurts to ask. Whether it’s negotiating tuition or requesting a special menu item at a restaurant, the worst that can happen is hearing “no.”
We’ve tried to instill this mindset in my children. I remember a recent dinner with my daughter, when her favorite charcuterie board wasn’t on the menu. I encouraged her to ask the waiter if they could still make it. She couldn’t believe it was “OK” to ask for something that wasn’t on the menu! To her surprise, they did have her favorite dish. On another visit, we asked for a dessert that wasn’t available, and this time the answer was no — but it didn’t cost us anything to ask.
The same principle applied to Luke’s financial aid appeal. While it felt odd to have him write the appeal email himself — given that the financial responsibility ultimately falls on us as parents — it was a valuable lesson in standing up for himself and asking for what he wanted.
The Pressure Cooker: Social Media and College Decisions
The college application process today comes with immense social pressure. Our high school’s Instagram page features posts of students announcing where they’re headed, creating a public scoreboard of success. For some kids, not getting into their top-choice school feels like a personal failure. It’s hard to watch.
Luke was fortunate to have clarity about where he wanted to go, which made the process less fraught. However, many of his peers faced rejections or waitlist decisions, leaving them uncertain about their futures. The emotional toll of these outcomes, combined with the societal and family pressures, can make this period incredibly stressful for both students and parents.
The Importance of Clarity
One lesson I’ve taken from this experience is the power of clarity in decision-making. When Luke’s #1 college approved our appeal, it solidified Luke’s choice and allowed us to move forward confidently. If the appeal had been denied, we may have had to reassess — possibly even consider withdrawing from the early decision commitment.
Clarity allows families to make informed decisions and avoid the pitfalls of being impulsive or caving into societal or family pressures. Revisiting schools, attending admitted student events, and spending time on campus can help students determine if a school is truly the right fit beyond the name or reputation.
College Planning: More Than a Financial Decision
As a financial planner, I initially approached this process with a practical mindset. But I’ve come to realize that choosing a college is as much an emotional decision as it is a financial one.
By the time your child is accepted into college, most financial planning opportunities — such as setting aside savings — are already behind you. You may be out of time to ask some of the important questions about college. What remains are emotional questions: Will my child thrive here? Is this the right environment for their growth? How do I let go and trust them to make their own choices?
Supporting Our Kids Through Big Decisions
Ultimately, this journey is about more than college — it’s about helping our children grow into independent, resilient individuals. We know Luke will face challenges, and there will be times when he makes mistakes. As his parents, our role is to provide support when he stumbles and to celebrate his successes, big or small, when he achieves his goals.
Lessons Learned
I keep saying this, but it bears repeating. This process has made me a better financial advisor.
I better understand the emotional complexities families face when making major decisions, whether they’re about college, finances, or life transitions. It’s a reminder that good financial planning is as much about addressing emotions as it is about managing numbers. It’s also been fun and useful for me to share our family’s journey so openly with you. So thank you for reading!
Slow Down the College Application Process
For families navigating the college application process, my advice is this. Slow down. Don’t rush decisions to meet deadlines or to meet external expectations — or your own unreasonable expectations. Explore all your options, apply for aid, including opportunities like financial aid appeals, and remember that clarity comes from being thoughtful.
Most importantly, encourage your child to advocate for themselves and embrace the learning opportunities this journey provides. The college decision is just one of many steps on their path to independence, and the lessons they learn now will serve them well in the years to come.
By sharing our story, I hope to shed light on the challenges and rewards of this process — and to remind parents that we’re not just preparing our kids for college but for life.
James Bode is Managing Partner at Beck Bode, a deliberately different wealth management firm with a unique view on investing, business, and life.
